Did you know that our self-esteem is unstable? It can go from a thousand to zero in a few hours.
This is why focusing on something you cannot control is just a waste of time.
Trying to increase your self-esteem will not help you be more confident, nor to be more successful with women, at work, or in sports.
A psychologist says that “self-esteem does not exist”; she also wrote a book with that title.
Her name is Ilaria Bertolini; she is a well-known psychologist and psychotherapist in Italy. She says that self-esteem is just an invention.
She noticed in many patients that they were unable to identify their problems, nor the possible solutions.
“They blamed the problem on too much or too little self-confidence, or in other words, on an unchangeable characteristic.”
But for her, this is obviously false. Otherwise, she couldn’t have helped so many of her patients.
I am very passionate about personal growth. I am an almost millionaire Italian entrepreneur and I had to work a lot on myself; that’s why I want to talk to you about…
Five golden rules for becoming more confident:
1. FROM TODAY THERE IS ONLY ONE MANTRA; ACT, ALWAYS
When you don’t act, your confidence decreases.
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt this way:
– I’m not good enough – Others don’t consider me – I’m too … “negative thing” – I’m pig-ignorant – I’ll never, ever make it
There is only one way to overcome these negative thoughts.
Act! Act! Act!
“Whatever results you get, the mere fact of having acted will strengthen your confidence and you will feel ready to act again until you reach success.”
And consequently self-confidence.
In this regard, I want to give you some advice. Start doing things where you have more experience.
If you already have skills or have had relevant experiences in your life, the only thing you need to do is learn from your past and value what you have learned.
As you can see, I’m not telling you to focus on self-esteem with some catchy phrases. It would just be smoke and mirrors.
Now here is the second golden rule.
2. IN THE PAST THERE IS A WAY OUT
Have you ever felt invincible once in your life? Like Superman or Spiderman.
Otherwise, there are some things you do naturally and confidently. How to play soccer or prepare your best recipe.
At that moment, your mood and your emotions gave you the strength to achieve the desired result.
It doesn’t matter on what occasion it happened. What matters is that it happened.
When you have to do something you feel discouraged, think back to that moment when you were at your full potential and take action.
Think about your successes and you will act in the best way.
I’ll give you an example that happened to a friend of mine. He is now a commercial agent who makes a lot of money in the marble industry.
You know the white marble used to build the most beautiful cathedrals in Italy, or the Leaning Tower of Pisa? Well, it is the same marble that is still mined in Tuscany today.
There is a lot of competition between the companies that sell it. This friend of mine initially had difficulty in closing contracts with important clients, or architects with large construction companies.
He was a little discouraged, but he never worked on self-esteem. He continued to act. At first he wasn’t successful, but he never gave up.
He was also an excellent mountain climber; a phenomenon.
He used this strategy:
Before going to talk to a new customer, he remembered how great it was to climb vertical walls with a rope.
“If I do that crazy stuff successfully I can do this other thing too.”
He was motivating himself in this way, and slowly he began to be successful at work.
Today he makes a lot of money and feels like a confident salesman.
He then also learned the third golden rule;
3. PREPARE TO FAIL
“Failure has to be part of the learning process to start being confident.”
Even those who have a lot of self-confidence make mistakes, but they don’t give a damn!
Here’s where the difference lies.
Be prepared for the possibility of failing sometimes. For example, write yourself somewhere “this week I will fail X number of times”.
If you want to learn to speak well in public, you must be willing to do it in a mediocre way at the beginning. Some performances will be a failure, but…
Then you get back to studying…
Trying Verify Improve Retry Verify and improve again.
Look for a positive lesson every time you miss a chance!
“Always ask yourself what you did well and what you could have done differently.”
This teaching helped me the most. I am writing this while having a cup of hot coffee. I always enjoy working or reading with a good coffee.
Now there is the most fucking true part of how our mind works.
4. SELF-ESTEEM MUST BE LEARNED!
This is how we work. You cannot work on self-esteem to have more self-esteem.
You have to work hard and follow these golden rules and your self-esteem will become strong.
And how do you learn to have self-esteem?
Many of the best psychologists think that;
“If you repeatedly act resolutely, you will develop the habit of acting confidently in what you do, and the lack of self-esteem will remain in the past.”
Now I want to tell you the rule that is worth more than all the others, or at least for me it is the most important one.
5. A BADASS MAN IS COHERENT WITH HIS VALUES!
Rather than worrying about what people might think about you, be careful to be coherent with what you think about yourself and the world.
My sales agent friend had had suggestions from other colleagues; using small lies to capture attention and make people believe that the marble he was selling had characteristics that were not actually true.
He never did these dirty tricks. He has always remained coherent with himself because he is loyal and sincere.
He also wanted to build long-lasting relationships with his customers, not sell and then disappear.
Thanks to this consistency, he has built lasting and successful relationships.
In other words, focus your attention on what you want rather than on what others may think.
It is the most important road that leads you straight to your goals and therefore to feel strong and confident.
If you want to have fun, be positively shocked, and discover some absurd things follow my Twitter profile: https://twitter.com/SirNickNite.Soon it will become one of the most controversial and crazy profiles on Twitter.
Nico Nobili —Alias SirNickNite
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